50 word stories
A difference
1.“Give the man two dollars and the next time he’ll ask for five! Let’s go son.” Mark hesitates while his father walks away. Mark turns and looks at the blind man. He walks up to him, drops two dollars into the hat and smiles, before running after his father.
Inside the mind of a teenager
2. I cannot take it anymore! She thinks she can control me just because she’s my mother? I’ll kill her if she pushes me over the edge again. Jane thinks quietly to herself.
“A penny for your thoughts, dear?” a voice calls out.
“Oh! Nothing mum.” She smiles innocently.
The suicide
3. Tim stands on the edge of the cliff and looks down. Is this high enough? He wonders. Will anyone miss me? He thinks to himself. He feels empty and alone. Tim looks around one more time, takes his glasses off, and says his finale prayer. Then he jumps.
4. As Tom walks into his house, he sees the photographs of her hanging from the walls and is suddenly hit by a wave of sadness. His wife is dead. He drags his feet up the stairs, opens his room door and finds himself face to face with the man responsible.
Happy birthday?
5. “Happy birthday Judy!” yells her colleagues at the top of their lungs. Judy blows out the candles and smiles. But, deep down hidden beneath that smile is actually sadness. She doesn’t find joy in celebrating her one year closer to oblivion. In fact, she simply resents it.
oh dear…. my stories are pretty depressing. i tried to write a funny one, but i just couldn’t…:S
misterryan said
Title: The Mind of a Teenager
Author: Vanessa
What’s it’s about: A teenager fantasizes about killing her mother
What works: The way you move from dialogue to description flows seemlessly
Room for improvement: The ending seems overly simple. Surely there’s a more interesting conversation that can occur between the two characters, one that better informs the two relationship between the two people.
RYAN
ying2win2 said
Title: Inside a mind of a teenage
Author: Vanessa
What it’s about: the thought going through in a teenage mind about her mother.
What works: The climax builds up through just a few sentences.
Room for improvement: Maybe can give detail on why the teenage felt angry about her mother??
By: yingying
lyonn said
Title: Inside a teenager’s mind
Author: Vanessa
What it’s about: A thought of hatred that is running through a teenager’s mind As if she knew what her child was thinking
What works: The teenager has a very negative angry thought towards her mother, and the mother speaks in a sarcastic manner saying a penny for thought?
Room for improvement: The ending was too open
jenthehen said
Title: Inside the mind of a teenager
Author: Vanessa
What it’s about: The mind..of a teenager.
What works: The angst.
Room for improvement: the story revolves around the thought of the teenager, and it’s not written in the visual voice, but more of what’s in the writer’s mind. Abrupt ending. More actions are required.
firstclassjacque said
Title: Inside the mind of a teenager
Author: Vanessa
What it’s about: About a girl who cannot stands the way her mother pushes her yet does not sound it out.
What works: The way she feels frustrated and the thoughts she had is quite frightening.
Room for improvement: Needs more visual voice.
colourmeshocked said
Title: Inside the mind of a teenager
Author: Vanessa
What it’s about: The thoughts of a teenage girl who feels anger towards her mother.
What works: Vanessa managed to easily evoke fear in me as she read it out. Nice little ending where her mother entered the scene and she simply acted as if nothing was wrong.
Room for improvement: Too much teenage angst? The ending seemed slightly clichéd – it was quite predictable.
Kelvin said
Inside a teenager’s mind.
Vanessa
A teenager is being stressed out by her mother’s expectation, until she has the thought of killing her.
The plot is quite interesting because it is just a thought only and the teenager didn’t really dare to kill her after her mother ask her again.
I feel that there is too much conversation between both of them and sometimes it could be quite confusing. It is quite common.
misterryan said
I don’t agree with your assessment as “depressing” regarding your first story. You’re trying to show a sense of childhood optimism. It’s generally effective too. The struggle is more likely about trying to generate ideas unrelated to cliches, a similar struggle to the openers assignment.
adrianmahen said
Title: Inside a teenager’s mind
Author: Vanessa
What’s it’s about: She is angry with her mother because her mother is nagging at her for something. She’s so fed-up that she going to kill her mother if she continues to do that.
What works: The story twist was very nice and cute.
Room improvement: Should have added more visually recognised words. Ending could have been done better.